BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!

Hey guys!! First and foremost thank you for your time and reading the material that the Holy Spirit and I are putting out!! I ultimate hope is that our story is encouraging, uplifting you all!! 

 

Be on the look out for new material!! Our first book "Widow Under His Wing written by The Holy Spirit through Melind Reynolds is now for sale through amazon, Books A million, Barnes and Nobles, and where ever books are sold online OR you can contact Christian Faith Publishing for your copy!!   Again BIG ANNOUINCEMENT OF NEW MATERIAL COMING SOON!!!  

Only You written by Melinda R. 3/19/24

I hope that you guys are finding a safe outlet to realize yourself of anything that could possibly take hold and make grounds for roots of bitterness, anger, ect. Safe outlets really help get whatever is on your chest out. It truly isn't healthy to hold onto hurtful things. It will start effecting your body is many different ways including your health. 

Here is my latest poem/song for the Lord. *If this is your first time here, first let me thank you for your time, as your time is precious. 2ndly I encourage you to scroll to the bottom to read my story of how god has rescued me along with our walk together up to this point. So, without further adue here is :Only You.

 

Only You

 

Walking this walk called Life,

going into deep dark places 

Being the Light

Your Light

Only You know

Walking this walk called Life

Going into deep dark places

Being the light

Your Light

Such hate

Such malice

Only you know

Walking this walk called Faith

going where you lead

Into the dark 

Into the unknown 

Who knew such betrayal would wait for us there

Only you know

To choose the Cross and still walk to Calvary carrying my cross, their cross

You still chose Love. You still chose God's plan.

With the heart of man, but yet still God 

You chose to forgive because they knew not what they were doing. 

But yet you knew. They knew hate.

With a human heart and human eyes,

All I see is hurt, confusion, and complete destruction

Trying to walk by faith and not by sight

Trying to see how your working all this for the good and your glory

Trying to see above the smoke, through the fog for the breakthrough

Be still is the whisper I hear 

Be Still and Know. Know that You are God and God alone. With this next leap of faith, I forgive because you forgave me. Be Still is the whisper I hear

Be still is what I shall do

For only you know what our next holds. 

Finding an outlet 1/19/24

To our readers, first and foremost thank you for your precious time to read my story and reading about God's redemptive hands. I have gone through 5 moves between 2020-2023. Please, if you or someone you know is in a DV situation, please reach out to a local advocate for safe keeping of your loved one!!! If it is an emergency  A TRUE EMERGENCY please do not hesitate to 911 and get them help!!! There are many resources!! I am getting hits all over the world and I want to encourage you to stay strong!! Find a Holy Bible and watch God move for you! Watch God protect you the same way He did for me and Popcorn!! I may not have or able to speak to my kids yet but I know that they are coming back somehow. Also, as you guys have read, instead of turning to another man, drugs, alcohol, ect... I went to school. I went to a technical school and got a trade and along with that I have found a love for writing as you can see with the poems and songs... I strongly encourage you to find a safe, sober outlet. Something that will allow you to safely express your feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, confusion whatever you maybe feeling. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!!! I want to also encourage for you or your loved one to seek counseling!!! I too, am seeking counseling and will be having my first appointment this month!! It really helps to release the deep dark things that have been suppressed deep within your heart and soul!! Please know that I am praying over you! You are so much more than the lies that have been spoken deep within your core!!! Get into a Holy Bible, I personally perfer a NLT version because I was able to understand the message better!!! Find out how much God truly LOVES you! How much He wants to heal your wounds!!! More than anything, He wants you SAFE! He wants you to prosper in a healthy way!!!  

Scooby & Jesus 10/14/23 

As you guys can see I enjoy writing songs and poetry too. If you are new to this blog site I strongly encourage you to scroll down to the very beginning to understand how we got to this point. It is only the One true Living God who has brought me this far. I find it an absolute honor to write songs and poetry to Him!!!! Also, God uses this blog to reach many people as it has gone world wide. If you have never been introduced or you don't believe at the moment, or you are upset/ angry with Him, I hope my story inspires you to see Him differently. I pray that you see how He did bring good out of something absolutely terrible.  Here is a song that I wrote last night 10/13/23. This song is about how I just went through a betray like Jesus did with Judas and just like any betrayal Spiritually I couldn't breathe, it felt like my heart stopped and I was back as a shell of a human. During that time God was sooo good to put me in a place of healing pretty quickly and I started to literally be surrounded by the cartoon Scooby Doo. Growing up I Loved Scooby Doo. So here is Scooby Doo & Jesus

Choked up, can't breathe

Call the code she's not breathing 

Choked up can't breathe 

Someone shock her! Her heart has stopped! 

Someone HELP Someone HELP! 

 I'm calling on Scooby & Jesus

Boy what a team

Scooby and Jesus

Even Jesus needs a dog

with their PURE love, Saving her with the PURE love 

Alone in the dark

You are the light 

So dark, can't see

his nose is tracking me down

Surrounded by death

Surrounded by cold 

Like the detectives, You're coming in whole 

I'm calling on Scooby & Jesus 

Boy what a team 

Scooby & Jesus

What amazing detectives they are 

Isn't it just like a Shepard to run after His lost

Isn't it just like the loyal companion to sniff out the trail

Scooby & Jesus 

Will always uncover the truth

Don't be scared Scooby, She is there! 

Don't be scare Scooby just be brave

Here walk beside me while we get her free

They are calling my name! 

From the pit that I dug

They are calling my name 

From the depths of their love

 

Oh how I love my Jesus & Scooby

What amazing detectives 

They hunted & saught me out

And with great bravery 

They found me

Im calling on Scooby and Jesus

Boy what a team 

Scooby and Jesus

Even Jesus has a dog

 

Song: "This Victory is Yours" by Me

5/10/2023 Songs that are just bursting from my spirit here lately and I have to get them off of my chest. Here is another one.

Titled "This Victory is Yours"

~~Chorus~~

What kind of Love 

A love so warm, Gentle

All I know, Your Light Blinded My enemies

With one blow, Your victory like none before

~~

Down in the mud & muck, I was stuck

Trying to move but can't

Taunting

I hear the enemies laughing and taunting

Here comes the shame and embarrassment

 

WAIT! 

What is this Love?

Love so whole and firm

A love so warm and gentle

All I know is Your Light blinded my enemies

With One Blow, Your Victory like none before

~~Bridge~~

My Love, My Soldiers follow

I follow, Swords ready at My command,

Never trust a snake, I'll guard, I'll protect 

There is no place I wont go to find you! 

~~

This love is pure

This love is fierce 

This love is You Lord 

This Victory is Yours 

This Victory is Yours

"Sitting with Jesus" by Me.. A new song

5/9/2023 A New Song 

Titled: "Sitting with Jesus"

You've promised the Moon and Stars, 

It's My heart you want

Confirmations you give as proof of your word

ooo whoa oh

Sitting with Jesus, I couldn't believe my ears

 

~~Chorus~~

My Lord, My Savior how could I

How could it be Me YOU chose?

My Lord, My Savior Are you sure/

I will trust You and Your word

~~~~

I've seen you work, I've seen the enemy attack

These promises don't look like they're coming

Jesus, I'm scared. Everything is exactly opposite of what You said

Sitting with Jesus with tear stained eyes and cheeks

~~Chorus~~

My Lord, My Savior how can this Be? 

In obedience, the world has deemed me a fool

My Lord, My Savior Help me understand

Why does Your Promises look this way

I will always Praise You

~~Bridge~~

My Child, My Bride, My Love for you

My Love is immeasurable. Oh how you've brought joy to my heart in your obedience

Remember, My ways are Not Yours ways, But IF you continue to trust in my word and in ME,

You will see Your promise come to fruition

 

Sitting with Jesus and Oh My Stars as they came in hot

My eyes & heart, could not believe

I am holding the Moon & Stars 

~~Chorus~~ 

My Savior, My Lord with tears stained eyes and cheeks 

All along you held them in Your hand 

My Savior My Lord a heart of gratitiude 

You have kept Your word

Sitting with Jesus I gave you my heart

~~~~Enjoy~~~~

A Mother's Letter to Her Kids

To My 3 Beautiful Children,

 I knew that this day would come and this letter would be written. So many people have encouraged me to write to you guys. I have tried and tried and tried. Every time I would get a notebook and pen I would have nothing. On the inside I would just be empty. And a part of me still is empty but I know that Poppa is healing me and you 3 through this letter.

First, I want to apologize. I am so sorry that you guys are in a situation that you guys didn't ask for. Boys, I know yall never asked for your biological mom to die so early. I am so sorry that I wasn't enough to protect yall from the monsters that live behind the closed doors of your home. I protect yall the best way I know how until we see each other again. Through prayer and scripture. please know that even though I was a broken, beaten down, empty woman that you guys saw, I always ALWAYS love you 3 with all my heart, soul, and everything in me. There has never been a day that has gone by that I have not once thought about you 3 and wonder how you guys are holding up. I hope that you guys can forgive me for the mistakes I made. For the times I couldn't speak for the 4 of us. Or whatever mistake I may have made that has deeply hurt you. Do you guys still love me or is there now a new woman that you consider to be your mom now? It is OK, if there is, all I ask is that you guys never forget how much I will always love you 3. 

Secondly, I am not the same woman you guys used to know. Poppa God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit have / and are turning me into a completely different person and I have and am falling in love with her. I can't wait to introduce you 3 to your new mom. I think you guys will love her to. Please be gentle with her though as parts of her are still fragile. As I am sure there are parts of your hearts that are too. 

Third, I am so proud of you 3. The way you guys have handled everything like a champ. I am very sorry that it hurt you guys but truth is, broken/ hurt people hurt innocent people and  narcissistic monsters truly have no mercy, unlike the Love of Jesus who Grace and Mercies are a new every day.  

Last, my phone is always on when ever you guys are ready to talk. All you have to do is unblock me. You guys are old enough to make your own decision and lets be frank, The monsters behind the closed doors were already allowing you guys to make some very big grown up decisions before you guys should have been given permission. 

 

My 3 beautiful babies, I have always and will always love you guys and am so very proud of the young adults that you guys are. Please don't be afraid to go and enjoy life. Stay safe, stay vigilant (aware of your surroundings) and be aware of true Red  Flags as you guys are living with the 7 Deadly Sins in the Flesh.

I love you

Love,

Mom

A Pound of Shame 12/5/2022

Genisis 1: 26,27, 31 NLT 

"Then God said, " Let us make human beings* in our own image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and all the small animals that scurry along the ground", (27) So God created human beings* IN HIS OWN IMAGE, IN THE IMAGE OF GOD He created them: male and female He created them. (31) Then God looked over all He had made, AND HE SAW THAT IT WAS VERY GOOD! Evening passed and morning came, marking the 6th day.

 

Welcome back yall!!! I hope your holiday seasons are in full swing!! I know my family and I are!! Looking at different cookie recipes and all kinds of goodies. Anyways, this post will have body image trigger warnings I want to go ahead and put that disclaimer out there. 

If this is your first time here, WELCOME!!! However, I encourage you to please go back to the beginning to understand how we are here today. It is truly nothing short of a True Living and Loving Jesus who saved me. He gets all the glory. If you are coming back, Thank you for your love and support!! I can feel them and your prayers as well. 

As I told you guys in the last blog I was starting up a boxing/kickboxing bootcamp. I have also been transparent about the gluttony I lived with and the weight issue I am dealing with now. However, it goes deeper than that. You all already know my true love for the our Lord and Savior. ( If you don't know who He (Jesus) is, please read from the beginning, If you feel Him knocking on your heart to come in, I have a simple prayer in one of my blogs to help you pray and help you open the door to let Him in.) Growing up, I was always told by more male's than female's, that "Mindy, If you go past a Size 8, there will be no man attracted to you because you'll be way to big." Let's face it since the 70s- today, our culture has perverted the way the world looks at ourselves.... "You're to skinny!!! You're to fat!! You're to this, You're to that" And so I made it a point to never go past truly a size 8.... and then the counterfeit "love" came in and as you guys have read, I ballooned up.  Now that I am trying to work hard and get the weight off, I had no idea I started hating myself.. Hating the creation that God Himself created in His hands. Just like you. He held YOU in His very own Hands and formed YOU. (Check out Psalm 139:13 & Jeremiah 1:5) How many of us are secretly hating ourselves because of what the world says "Looks Good" or what the world says is "acceptable". Before I realized what I was doing, I kept hearing the phrase all over the place "God Loves YOU just as you are" It didn't hit me until last night before my workout at 6am. I couldn't believe what I had been doing. Hating on Gods masterpiece. Me. I know that I am not a Britney Spears, actually I am very grateful.. I am something much more real, much more whole and healed, I no longer look to the world for what I "need" to be. Poppa does ask me to be healthy as I am His Temple and He Lives in me and I in Him. I did truly humble myself and ask for forgivness. This morning my workout felt different, I can't explain it but it felt different. Lighter, even being covered in stinky sweat thinking that my legs could give out at any moment. I just want to take this moment to encourage you whether your male or female.. take these scripture affirmations and declare them over you!!! 

I AM BRAVE AND STRONG AND COURAGOUS (JOSHUA 1:9)

I AM BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME (SOL 4:7)

I AM WISE AND HAVE GODLY WISDOM (PROVERBS 31:26) 

I AM WANTED AND NEEDED (PSALM 34:5) 

I AM GODS WORKMANSHIP (PSALM 139:13-14, EPH.2:10)

I AM VALUABLE (EPH 2:10, 1 PETER 5:10, 1 SAM. 16:7)

 

Are you ready to protect the Name Jesus Christ? 11/8/2022

It is obvious my absolute Love I have for My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ... He has protected me time and time again.. Well we live in a Social Media driven time now where EVERYONE has an opinion about something even if it is to get people riled up to argue over stupid things.... I am no different I have my own opinions however, I don't go out to stir the pot either. But what I won't stand for is Satan and His lies. This morning I saw a post that said "Jesus Died For ME? That is Manipulative." In the comments someone posted "He didn't stay dead either so add gaslighting to the mix" 

To say I got a little upset would not even cover how I felt at 6:30am. However, reading that post and angrily walking my families property got me thinking..... 

My Jesus has been so good to me and so protective over me. I need to protect Him and His name!! That is straight up lies from the pit of hell! That is completely wrong and FALSE!!! 

John 8:44 NLT states "For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do evil things he does. HE WAS A MURDERER from the beginning. HE HAS ALWAYS HATED THE TRUTH, because there is no Truth in him!!!! When He lies it is consistent with his character: for HE IS A LIAR and the Father of Lies!!! 

That is scripture straight from the Holy Bible. NLT version.  Then it also got me thinking even more about Social Media and what it is supposed to be... It was originally designed for people to stay connected with family, friends, ect, now people are being killed just for trying to sell things. (...and people wonder why I say "Negative Ghost Rider for online dating.... I chose life and the old school way for that and a special detail. :) LOLOLOLOL!!!  

If you look, I mean really look, Satan is twisting things for Gods Children on Social Media. I have witnessed many of Gods TRUE kids, not the Pharisee spirited people say the same exact thing but they refused to listen or agree with each other because they are to busy arguing different aspects of how or what they are or were doing. 

It brings me back to the famous Song Originally made by Simon and Garfunkel, remastered by Disturbed (my personal favorite version, Disturbed if you guys read this, you did phenomenal on that song... 

the lyrics state this... "And in the naked Light i saw 

Ten thousand people maybe more, PEOPLE TALKING WITHOUT SPEAKING, PEOPLE HEARING WITHOUT LISTENING"

That is exactly what is happening. People pointing the finger and creating a discord, when we Gods true children, are called to live in unity. There is so much Holy Spirit power when you come in agreement with other true believers  and with the Will of Christ and the actual Commission. We have to remain vigilant because that is exactly how Eve fell for Satans scheme's, "Did He REALLY say that?!?!? Surely you will not die but...." You guys know the story. But that is exactly what is going on. I for one will protect my Jesus and His precious name. It is the least I can do since He protected me in more ways than 1. 

Are you willing or ready to protect the name of Jesus Christ?  

As you have read my story, Jesus the Son of the Living God has saved me time and time again. I am completely and totally in Love with Him as He is my everything. I owe Him my life. All He asked was to have a relationship with me.. And YOU to!! He Loves you just as much as He loves me!!! If you are here and You don't know Jesus as Your personal Savior, please allow me to tell you His story real quick like, I recommend getting a Holy Bible, (NLT I personally use because I understand it alot better) to really learn and fall in love with the author who already not only loves you, but knows the hairs on your head! YES!!! My dear friend! He KNOWS the number of hairs on your head!  God created the heavens and the earth within 7 days, God sent his son Jesus to be born by a virgin named Mary, (Christmas story) just to grow up and take on all the sins and curses of this fallen world to save us from Eternity in Hell. Hell is a fiery hot place that was only created for the Devil aka the enemy and his followers... It was never meant for us. His children. Jesus started teaching and preaching the Word of God at the age of 30, and had 12 close friends aka Disciples. He taught them how to walk, talk, and show TRUE CHRIST like love, action, ect. At the age of 33, Jesus was taken in and was humiliated, beaten beyond recognition, whipped 39 times simply because 40 lashes would kill a man. Then he was spit on, insulted, carried an old rugged cross from the city to a hill all the while people were throwing rocks at him, pulling His beard. You name it, He felt it, heard it, everything.  Then they placed railroad nails sized nail in each hand/wrist and 1 nail in his feet. They also placed a crown of thorns on His head to mock Him as a King. When He got to the Hill, the Roman soldiers again mocked Him by placing a sign above Jesus's head that states "Here is the King of the Jews" (I don't remember word for word but that is the bottom line) After the Roman soldiers placed the cross upright, they had Jesus's clothes and they started gambling and playing dice for the articles of clothing.... Right before He died He said "Father why have you forsaken Me?" That was His flesh, thinking that God had abandoned Him, God never did and was right there beside Him at the Cross. In another moment before He died, He also said "It... Is.. Finished!" meaning He had finished what He needed to do in Pt 1!! His Blood was all poured out for all of us to the point that only water came out of His body. To confirm that He had truly died, a Roman Soldier stabbed him in the side. That soldier had some of Jesus's blood poured on Him and He dropped to his knees that moment. 3 days later, another Mary went to where Jesus had been laid to rest and saw that His body was no longer there. An angel appeared and told her that Jesus has risen from the grave!!! YES JESUS WENT TO HELL AND CONQUERED HELL!!! 

There is sooo much more to His story and it is an amazing story... I told you the short version simply because I want to pray with you, If you feel the Holy Spirit (Jesus Spirit) at your heart wanting to come in and be your savior and to have a real actual relationship with you, please pray this with me....

 

Lord, I have sinned, I now know that I am a sinner needing a Savior, I can't do this on my own, Please forgive me and please come into my heart and today I accept you Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I love you Lord, Thank you -Amen-

 

If you meant that prayer with your whole heart, welcome to our heavenly family my brother or sister. <3 We are so incredibly excited to have you part of our family. Now this road will not be perfect but make time for God and He will show you His way!!! It is ok to slip up, have aset back, and quite frankly, satan is mad now that you have accepted Jesus and I would expect things like that. Keep your eyes and heart on Jesus and He will show you, mold you, protect you, love you, keep you safe. Put your trust in Him. Keep your eyes and heart on Him friend. 

Total Body Shut Down/ Struggles & Poppa's Rest 10/21/2022

Hi everyone!! It is now already October and the crisp fall air is now in full bloom and I hope everyone is staying warm and enjoying soup and Hallmark love movies now. LOL!!! It has been a moment since I last wrote you and God has just been ever so amazing. 

Genises 2:2-3 (NLT) On the 7th day God had finished his work of creation, so He rested from all His work.(3) And God blessed the 7th day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all His work. 

Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT) The Jesus Said (in red letter) "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heaby burdens, and I will give you rest (29) Take my yolk upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 

Today Iam going to talk to you about my health and the things that have happen. Upon a little research and taking with some very close friends what I experienced is normal. However, before we dive into what happen, let me build you guys back up. If it is your first time here at my blog, First and foremost WELCOME and thank you for your time and reading. I want to encourage you to start at the begining of the blog so you will get a grasp of everything that has brought me up to this point. 

When I was part of that so called marriage, that little mouse from Cinderella singing his little tune "Cinderelly Cinderelly Night and Day it is Cinderelly, you remember the tune. If not, go quickly Youtube it. It really is a catchy tune. However, that was truly my life. Always serving them, Always needing to be busy doing something that was always in their sight. I was never able to catch a break. Even if I actually had a break, they would ended up yelling at me some more about how I am not this or that and ground me into the dirt. There was never a day of rest. It was always GO GO GO GO. In doing that for so many years, it had been ingrained into my spirit that I needed to be busy. I needed to always be on the go. I didn't know how to rest or relax. 

UP UP UP and GO GO GO is what I knew and was doing it. With that mentality, and more than anything else having the Lord's strength and hand over me, helped me get through the divorce while going through Medical Assistant school, and working full time. During that time at some point I never fully slept and I always kept one eye opened. Due to the fact that he and his mother did hire a PI along with a plot to truly hurt me. I only have the Holy Spirit with His confirmations nothing in concrete to show any evidence. You know at some points I was ready to walk to the PI and just be like " You must be THAT bored at your job to follow me! The only thing exiting I am doing is ordering Door Dash. Or following me to the kitchen where I originally worked at" I am still shaking my head at that. Even as God moved me 3 different times there is only 1 place that I truly slept. That place will always be a special first home for me. I knew that Popcorn and I were safe, protected, and secured. 

Even when I was out of school and working full time, I was still in GO GO GO mode. I would drop anything to go be with a friend and help pray or do some ministry work together. I never took the moment to REST. 

There was a night in Aug 2022 I remember the Lord very clearly asking me "Do You Trust Me?"  and I said "Yes Lord Why are you asking me? You and I have been through so much why would I not trust you now?'' The next day night I couldn't sleep, I was experiencing the worst stomach pains I have ever felt. Child birth was dream compared to that. I ended up calling into work and becoming a patient myself to find out my gallbladder had gone bad. When I was talking to one of my friends whom I grew up with and she was the only person from my life I could actually speak to (keep in mind I did have to give up my phone so they could read the messages between us until I re-built a boundary with the phone) It turned out my gallbladder had gone bad 10 years ago and needed to come out then, however They did not want me out of commission to serve them. So on 8/10 I under went my very first surgery and had my gallbladder taken out. God was all over that surgery yall. From Start to finish. He was there. I never not once needed the prescribed pain medication. I healed up very nicely. During my recovery time from my surgrey, He sent me back to Florida where my parents and grandparents live. I didn't understand but He started showing me that He wanted me to move down here. As you guys have learned, I have had my relationship with Jesus for almost 10 years now. I am the product of the saying "If God wants you alone to know His voice, He will put you alone" or however it is stated. 

He has given me so many promises and He gave them to me in TN. I never saw them manifest there. I know one of them. But I struggled, I struggled leaving TN because I would be leaving His promises/ my promises that He was going to give me. As long as I kept the faith, I did. I would wake up every morning like a 5 yr old on Christmas waiting to open her gifts. 

I also struggled simply because I thought all the promises were meant to be in TN AND SOME ARE. He has made it very clear that He has big plans for me in TN, in His timing. But God affirmed to me about His Faithfulness and that He is the Waymaker, Miracle worker! But not only that, all the promises are firmly in His hands and I needed to let them go back and take my hands off. That was so hard because I know how much I love my Jesus and I know how great gifts He gives and my human/woman heart just did not want to lose any of my gifts. Especially since they were coming from God Himself, NOT man, BUT GOD! It is even stated in scripture about how He gives amazing gifts... and I just didn't want to lose them let alone be out of alignment  with the Lord. Long story short, when I dug my heels in the soil of Faith I was given a 2b/2bath house and all that was asked of me was my honest time and effort in restoring it. No rent No mortgage and it would be mine. So in 9/2022 I moved to a quiet area with my family here in Florida. 

Again, hit the ground running. God had me a church that had already been praying for me. Got involved in a Recovery Group and an Alpha Group. God provided me an amazing job and I am now back inside the hospital setting. And as all this was going I heard God Say " You Need to rest or you will be sick" I didn't listen... I am so used to GO GO GO. That was until my body shut down and I slept for 5 days straight. I took a Covid test and it did show positive. But it was truly my body shutting itself down from the past 18yrs. 16 from the past and the most present 2yrs. God had His hand on me the entire time though. I have spoke with some and they said that when their body shut down, They ended up in ICU for a bit. Upon doing research of my own from various medical websites, men and women experience a "shut down" after being in such environment to dramatically changing. The common thread for most was that theirs came on immediately. My shut down was gradual and I thank God solely for that. I did not have to go into the hospital. But like Adam, I went into a deep sleep and slept for 5 days straight. I gotta tell ya, I feel amazing and different somehow. I truly wonder if this is how Adam felt after God made Eve?

I even feel stronger in my spirit and feel like I can hear Poppa even more clearly. When it comes to my promises that He has given me, I have this unexplainable joy and peace knowing that they didn't go anywhere. Nobody has taken my promises away from His hands. One of the promises is the man I got on my knees and prayed for. My God given husband. I don't know if he even reads this or realizes who I am, but there has never been a moment that I have not stopped praying/ speaking scripture  for & over you. 

But with my body shut down and realizing that rest is essential. I am looking at some lifestyle changes. I am looking into a boxing/kickboxing place. I have 40 lbs left to lose to get back to my goal weight. I am at a stall that I just can't shake. But also with the boxing/kickboxing it is a self defense, and even more confidence booster. I have this burn to learn it. I am also looking at adding in healthier food and more better things inside my body. 

Our body is truly the temple of the Lord and it really is our responsibility to take care of His Temple. We are His light in this dark world. He lives inside us and in our hearts. We need to do our diligent best to care for His temple. Whether it is what we are reading, doing, eating, not doing. Learn the balance of what works for you. Work with Poppa and have fun. He has a sense of humor and He loves having fun!! Until next time I wish you guys nothing but the best.

Until You Stepped In 7/18/2022

I have had alot going on for a little bit. I am the only MA (Medical Assistant) for my Clinic that I work at which has been having me put in 50+ hours a week. I also have my state boards coming up soon, would greatly appreciate any and all prayers.. But as I was spending some in depth much needed QT (Quiet Time) with my Lord, He has me in Romans 5 this morning, what a beautiful reminder how much He loves us... To the point that Jesus came down and died for us.... While I was reading Holy Spirit asked me to write a poem about "My Love for You" This is what was birthed out this morning.... 

 

"Until You Stepped In" 

 

As a young married woman,

Being loved and cherished 

the way Christ loves His Bride

was My hearts Desire

But it wasn't meant to be 

Slavery of sorts, Imprisonment, isolation, desolation

Spiritually & Physically I was sentenced to the 2nd layer gallows of hell

UNTIL YOU STEPPED IN 

Calm & soft, gentle yet firm

Your Light pierced through my darkest of nights 

Your gentle soft hands grabbing mine

Your eyes piercing my soul yet assuring me of the way we should go

"Come away with me My Love" you said

My eyes are not able to leave your beautiful eyes 

The Love, safety, and  Knowing WHO I am following into the Great Unknown with The Great I AM 

Where you lead, I will follow

As you rescued me, the enemy tried to take me out

UNTIL YOU STEPPED IN

Your fierce protection guarded and directly carefully guided my steps 

"Don't stop looking into my eyes My eyes My Love, I've got you and I'll never let you go"

There were many dangerous twists and turns

But I never flinched  because I was looking at you

This is what happens when Jesus steps in. <3 

 

I hope you guys enjoy it..

Not the Way to Say Goodbye

 

John 11 is the story of Lazarus. This was a friend to Jesus. But he fell sick while Jesus was away. He ended up dying while Jesus was away and was dead.... Like really dead. Not coming back. For 4 days. His family was in mourning and while Jesus was away He knew that Lazarus was sick and was "going to sleep". But when Jesus came back to town, they took Him to where Lazarus's body was resting/ Laying in peace in his tomb. Before Jesus even called his name to raise him from the dead, Jesus took a moment and cried. I mean ugly cry wept. That was his friend, He is physically seeing with his flesh body his friends tomb/ grave.  If you don't understand Jesus is God, but in human form. Allowing him to feel how we feel, experience what we do and that is how Jesus KNOWS exactly what you are feeling are going through.  If this is your first time to this blog, please go back to the beginning to understand how we got here and get your foundation. So you're probably wondering "why on earth is she talking about death and Jesus and Lazarus?" 

 

We all have grandparents. One set from Dad, One set from Mom. This set is coming from my mom. My grandfather died from brain cancer when my brother and I were young kids. But man, my Mema, she became my hero. I love my Mema. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. She was/is soooo beautiful. The graceful way she took care of my grandfather while he was sick and the way she helped "walk him home". Then finding a job after so many years of working their farm and staying home. Then having her own place on her own. What a woman man!! She may not have spoke it out loud alot but you just knew she had Jesus and Jesus had her. The way He blessed her in many many ways. Even through her hard times you saw it in her actions that she was holding onto Him. 

As you already know, I severed ties with my immediate family due to lies and manipulation. But I never stopped talking to my Mema. My heart could pour my love to her. Despite the manipulation I was living under. Praise God that I still had her. Even though I had her, every conversation I had with her was closely monitored by his mother or by him when he was in town. As soon as I was about to say something that would not mesh with their hidden agenda she would quickly slap the table to grab my attention and very angrily shake her head in a "NO" motion. 

 

My Mema, she LOVED Conway Twitty.. Always playing him or Elvis. Elvis I can live with except his Christmas song "Blue Christmas" Conway Twitty.... the only song she got me to like was "Love to lay you down" She did needle thread work, following different patterns and could make almost anything. One Christmas she made me a table runner Nativity Scene. I'll never see it again but just knowing she made it and I did have it at some point. She LOVED her porcelain dolls. Collected every single kind of doll and angel statue you could think of. Very gently spoke. Took alot to get her angry actually while typing this and remembering her I can't sit here and tell you 1x that she got angry. I can't. I am sure my mom, aunts, and uncle's have a totally different story.. 

 

Around 2016 she got very sick. I was not told by my aunts or uncles. The way I found out was truly by the Lord. Where I lived at the time, the only kind of dogs that were in the neighborhood were cattle dogs, heinz 57, or collies. He and his mother wanted collies. One day we were leaving and this doberman out of nowhere was dropped off at the corner of the hill where I used to live. I hopped out of the moving vehicle because this was NOT the typical dog to be in that neck of the woods. She immediately showed that she was gentle, nice, and she submitted. I called her Daisy. Later that afternoon I got a call from one of my aunts saying that my Mema was very sick and was probably not going to make it and I needed to make peace. My world came crumbing down. How could my superhero get sick? She can't leave me! I haven't seen her in years!!! Jesus please not her. Please let me go see her!!! God actually granted that prayer. He gave me 1 1/2 year to be able to get to her and see her...... You guys, I am not a beggar for anything. I am not. But I begged them both to let me go and see her. Even offered to stay with HIS aunt so they would KNOW that I wasn't going to see nor talk to my family. I just wanted/needed to see her before she went home... I begged. 

 

Keep in mind that tickets to go a cheap. TN to FL are around $50 or more. "Who are you going to stay with if you go down?" "Well, if you go down you better take YOUR kids because I am NOT SOME live in baby sitter" "YOU ARE NOT GOING because we can't afford it, and besides if you go we all go, and who's to say your not going to talk to your family!" "You already know you are going to see them!!" "Like I have told you, THAT is the ONLY reason he will ever leave you!" 

 

I never got to see her. Never got to hug her one last time. Never got to tell her to her face how much I love her. 

In 2018 she declined, declined very quickly. Bladder cancer will do that. She went home on June 26, 2018. The last time I spoke to her, she was sleeping. But they say that the hearing is the last to go before someone passes. 

 

Through my tears and keeping a strong voice my last thing I told her.... over a phone  I told her "Don't be scared Mema, Jesus is an amazing man who loves you and is going to be such a gentleman. He will gently call your name and then gently take your hand and walk you home. But he is such a gentleman. I know because I have sat with Him and I have seen him I have sat with HIm face to face. He was so gentle with me when He allowed me to see Him with my own eyes and He will do the same for you." (For those questioning, YES I have given the opportunity to see Jesus face to face. That is for another blog)  After I told that to her my aunt gentle cried and said "Mindy, she moved her head towards the phone." 

 

Through my grief of not only losing my Mema, I dealt with the guilt of not being there. Even though it was not by my choice, I still did not go. I still deal with that to this day. The guilt of not going and being there. There was a day that grief just caught up with me and I just could not stop crying, but God as my witness I was not about to cry infront of my kids nor in front of him and his mother simply because I didn't want to hear the BS. I was driving down a road called 321, it is a fairly busy highway, but through those grief tears and driving, I can't explain what happened other than, God allowed my Mema to give the little closure for the moment. But out of nowhere, I heard her voice as if she were to have been sitting right next to me and say "Mindy, Why are you crying? You KNOW I am home!" 

 

Today is 6/10/2022, In 16 days she will have been in her heavenly home for the past 4 years. When I was going through MEdical Assistant School and going through the divorce, God allowed me to have a vision of her. It was soo beautiful. But Between working full time and going to school full time, I started hitting up those energy drinks Monsters. I was drinking 10 a week. Just to keep me going. One night i felt the palpitations in my heart after drinking one while working. Which was new to me, I have a heathy heart. But when I went to sleep that night, I walked into this house I had never seen before and it was a farm style house and felt familiar but I knew that I had never been in there before. As I walked in you could smell the fried chicken in the air. As I walked in, it was like I knew exactly where the kitchen was and went straight there. There stood my Mema, cooking. She said "It's about time, I am almost done with your dinner! I need you to eat up because you NEED these nutrients I am giving you. You havent exactly been eating the best for you" I said "No ma'am I haven't but how is fried chicken any better than PB & J?'' "I am not feeding you fried chicken, you are about to eat  gafiate fish!" (FYI - I AM NOT A FISH EATER AT ALL)  But in the vision, I ate and the veggies she prepared with it. I felt different after that vision. 

 

I have cut back on the monsters. Actually I truly don't drink the, but I give a dear friend of mine a hard time about them :) 

 

If you are about to watch someone go home. Go and see them. Go and get your hug. Go and make peace with whatever may have happened. Go and forgive them. Being held back away from saying goodbye is NOT the way to say Goodbye. Jesus was away. But He still came back to pay his respects and actually He ended up bringing him back to life. Jesus was still away and Jesus still wept. 

Don't be afraid to cry. I am not afraid to cry, I just do it away from civilization and resurface when there is no trace left on me that I have had anything wrong. But Jesus has always been my comforter and when it comes to something like that, I go to Him, He does his thing, once there is no trace I can return to earth. But I say that not in a prideful sense, but in the sense of years being told "I have no reasons to cry!" "Why are you crying now?!?!!" "What is so wrong in your life that you are crying? I bought you this house! I bought you that car! YOU HAVE NO REASONS TO BE CRYING! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW UP AND RAISE THE KIDS!" 

 

And yes, these phrases were told to me while grieving over my Mema. 

My encouragement for you in this is to GO and SEE and TALK to your loved one who is about to go home! Make sure they truly are going to heaven, or make sure you intorduce them to Jesus and how much they are loved by HIm!!! Doesn't matter what they have done!!! He just wants them to come back home to Him! Hell was never created for them. <3.

 

Stay encouraged! 

Love of money

Is the Love of money the Root of Evil??? OR Is it Greed?

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from the Love of money and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you!" Every person has their own point of view, my POV is soley Holy Spirit lead and the personal experience I dealt with.. As you guys have read, I was never good enough at anything. However, with him being an ER RN, he started being being tempted by the amount of money Travel Nursing makes.... It was watching Satan dangle a carrot in front him. He took the bait.  Luke 12:15 NKJV This verse is written in Red,"Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses." Then follows the story of the man who held earthly things in a silo. But God said, "today  YOUR soul is needed NOT your earthly possessions. Before I get started I have a question for you burning in my spirit to ask and have you think, "Where are you storing your treasure? Are you stocking up earthly things? OR are you storing up treasures in heaven were Poppa takes care of them and they'll never rot nor be stolen.

As you guys have learned he and his mother have a very unique relationship.. Money was no different. But let me be clear, I am only speaking from my own experience. When you are engaged or seriously dating with intent of a possible future together, you guys have to be up front about future financial goals. You guys are building a team! Seriously. You + your special one are a team. Hopefully you guys have Jesus in the middle of it because He is the foundation of relationships. But anyways, enough of that squirrel moment.  When we were getting serious we never once discussed money. MISTAKE #1. It was never discussed when we transition from Fun to serious.. You guys know what I am talking about. But what I didn't see on the other side of the this, was that his mother took care of all his finances. Don't get me wrong, if you have your mom helping you with budgeting and and whatnot that is fine, but the more you read you will come to understand. 

At the time I was driving a 2004 Ford Mustang, He was driving a beat up 1995 Chevy suburban... Shortly after we were married he started saying things like "Now that we are married, what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine" Yall it was cute at first, but he meant that. He took possession of my little bit that I had. Literally a car... That is it. Around that same time Toyota came out with their 2008 model tundra and he fell head over heels in love with the electric blue, big screen gps. "Mindy, I really would like to have this Tundra do you care if we trade your car and my suburban so I can get that truck????" My heart knew better, because that was MY transportation. Not to sound greedy or selffish but it was all I had. Even though we were married, I even asked, "Well, if I let you use my car what exactly am I going to drive? I need to be able to get back and forth to work and school to."  His response was "Youll be able to drive my mom;s truck. Besides, she doesn't drive anyways." Which is true, she did not drive even though she was capable of driving and held a valid license. My heart and gut were throwing my first sign of red flags, but the other part of my heart and my mind wanted to be a "good wife" and I gave in and allowed him to use my car as part of a trade in so he could get the showroom floor model 2008 Toyota Tundra. If you are in a relationship and they try to take something from you and you feel in your gut and heart that it is wrong, don't go along with it. That is the Holy Spirit speaking to you saying "Hey!!!! That is not right!!!" I
 ended up driving his mother's Sport track. Hearing all about how I wasn't this or that in her truck. If you have read the first few blogs you understand.  If this is your first time here, please take a moment to read the beginning and get the foundation of where we are at today. 

When came to everyday money things, Ill be up front and honest and tell you, then, I had no clue how to budget or watch where my money went to. I just knew to pay my own bills. Then it was "free money" to sorta say. If you can make the financial mistake, I made it. I made it with a naïve grin on my face thinking I was doing something good. (20yrs old knows everything) .....right?......

Along with my mistakes, he to was not watching or being smart with his paycheck. After we got married and joined the account, he appointed his mother to the daily financial activities... Every time he would purchase his lunch out it was all AOK, but I wasmade to pack my lunch so we could "save" money. Anytime I needed anything clothes, shoes, you name it I had to fight tooth and nail. But he was Johnny on the spot to get his desires. At some point I kept thinking "You know,  I didn't have his mother keeping track of my money before I was married to him, Why do I need her now?" Well to my surprise I couldn't budget nor do anything else correctly, down goes another pride pill that last for 2 years until we moved to TN in 2009. I finally had  enough of her twisting everything money wise to benefit her. So I finally took over the account and trying to budget and accommodate his wants and desires. I would love to tell you needs but his wants and desires always outweighed his needs. After we moved to TN in 2009, His mother started in saying that "It was my dream to stay at home and be with my kids" along with "YOU NEED to be home with your kids!!! THIS IS your JOB! Not out there in the world!!" Isolation and Financial control is set for a GO Houston! That is exactly what happened. 

I can't tell you when but like with everything else, I became exhausted. Tired of trying to keep track of money when he wont take responsibility of his overspending or over eating spending the money because he is just "starving". 

But what I can tell you is that one day during prayer, I did ask God to teach me how to budget and how to manage money.. He truly showed up and showed out for me. My church was hosting a Dave Ramsey Money Makeover Financial Peace University and I signed up. I didn't have the $100 to purchase the kit but I was there for a classes and I started listening to him through Youtube. I still make mistakes so please don't get me wrong but now that I have Holy Spirit and then teachings of Dave Ramsey I am so much slower to purchase anything. If Dave Ramsey or any of his family is to ever read this, thank you! truly! Your teachings is what I am bringing into my new life with Christ. I may not have it be perfect but I have peace and direction financially with what I have and with what I make with my job. 

Again, I will repeat myself on this one, if you are serious with someone, money needs to be an open subject. So many couples fight over money. We are not meant to be enemies. We are created to be a team with Jesus. There are many scriptures on money. being a team mate with your special one. Don't let a financial burden drive a wedge between what God has brought together. Don't be afraid to talk, plan, and dream together. Then work together and build that dream, There is scripture about that to. But also make financial boundaries too. What are yall willing to spend while building and planning for the future??? What or how much do you guys want to save??? How much dedbt is left to be paid off??? 

You guys can do this!!! Keep Jesus center of it!! IF He is not, bring him back in and let him work the kinks out and get back on the right path!!! He will! 

Stay encouraged!!! 

"Cinderelly, Cinderelly Night and Day it's Cinderelly with the 7 Deadly Sins"

 

Can you see and hear the mice singing??? I know I can. :) 

According to Bibleinfo.com the 7 deadly sins are as followed

1) Lust-Strong passion or longing, especially for sexual desires - If you have read the first blog we have actually visited this and his "fantasy/ desires" that I was never able to fulfill. 

Scripture back up for this is Timothy 2:22. Job 31:1, Matthew 5:28, Philippians 4:8 & 1 Peter 2:11. There are more but these are the scriptures the Lord has placed on my heart to share. 

2) Gluttony- excessive and ongoing eating of food and drink-

Back up scripture Psalm 78:17-19, Philippians 3:19-20, Proverbs 23:1-3, Proverbs 23:19-21. 

We are going to be going into this sin during this blog along with the Sin of Sloth.

3.) Greed-excessive pursuit of material goods- Scripture back up Exodus 20:17, Proverbs 11:24, Proverbs 28:25, Ecclesiastes 5:10, Philipians 4:6

This we will be another blog as they enjoy the "finer things in life" along with there is so much to learn about finances and being in a marital relationship. This is not the blog for the money BUT I will say this, IF you are married, YOU THREE (You, Husband or Wife, & Jesus) You NEED Jesus! You NEED His financial guidance and HE gives it to you!!! 

4) Sloth- is an excessive laziness or the failure to act and utilize one's talents-- This is another one we will be hitting on in this blog. Back up scripture Proverbs 13:4, Proverbs 24:33-34, Romans 12:11-13 Colossians 3:23, 2Thessalonians 3:10.

5) Wrath- Strong anger and hate towards another person- If you are here to this point and you have read from the beginning, well, you know the wrath I endured, warranted or not. Don't get me wrong, I did make mistakes and to this day I still make mistakes. Only Jesus is the perfect one but Glory Hallelujah for His Amazing Grace. But alot of it no person should EVER have to endure. 

6) Envy- intense desire to have an item that someone else posseses. -This is another blog that will be coming out at a later point in time. His mother flat out told you she was a jealous woman and she acted on it to in many different forms. Him on the other hand, it was always his actions that spoke louder than words of his jealousy.  Back up scripture Job 5:2, Psalm 37:1, Proverbs 24:19-20,Ecclesiastes 4:4, James 3:14-16.

7) Pride- excessive view of one's self without regard for other-Back up scripture Proverbs 8:13, Pr.overbs 16:18, Romans 12:16 1 Corinthians 13:4, Galatians 6:3 & James 4:6-7

 

Today the Lord wants me to focus on the Gluttony and the Sloth. Overeating and the Lazyness. 

When I met him I was 5'4 185 lbs. He was 6'0 250lbs. Built like a football player. He loves his food and so did his family. I truly do say that with respect. I came from a family that food was not a priority. It was simply a necessity. I was active and played baseball, basketball, rode my red mountain bike between my home and my grandparents farm. I enjoyed being outdoors. When we were getting more serious things began to change, he started showing me a world I have never experienced before. The love of food, but to the extreme. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a foodie and enjoying food and drink, responsibly and not overdoing yourself. As the years started collecting up, his weight did as well and he became a Type 2 diabetic with High Blood pressure. His mother too, started gaining more weight. When her husband passed, the only thing we could get her to eat were chicken wings and beer. They both would eat & drink until they were tipsy and beyond uncomfortable. While we were dating and would be over for dinner I always noticed that they would always have a spread on and it was always like going to a christmas dinner...Every. Single. Night. At first it would always catch me off guard because I was not used to banquets of food. You would have thought they were Kings and Queens. When I became "his wife" I didn't cook like that... That was not what I was used to. I quickly learned, my ways of cooking were not what he wanted nor expected. Into the kitchen with his mother to learn her skills. There is another round of pride pills that I swallowed. As time went on though, I found that cooking was my outlet. I  could escape them and find peace with cooking. So I started watching Food Network and learning different things. Finding different recipes and I got tired of always following his mother's recipes to the point I started menu planning for the week, finding new and creative food ideas, but I quickly learned to put on a 5 course feast for them... Every. Single. Night. Even with all that food, it was taking a toll on their bodies and mine to. They both were now Type 2 Diabetic with insulin, pills, syringes, meters, you name it they had it. Then that became their crutch."Well, YOU need to cook like this because we can't do this and we can't do that" Yes, diabetics cannot break down sugars like someone who's pancreas is working correctly and they need the insulin or metformin help. He chose to over eat his insulin and pills. She did to a point, but at some point in her life she dealt with anorexia and bulimia.. Her self hatred of not being skinny ran sooo deep into her but she ate through her emotions. They both got passed the 300lb mark. He is over 400lbs now last I saw him. She had weight loss surgery and now she is unable to eat solid food and is living through a proteins shake. I am thankful to say that Poppa never let me go past 275. I can't say what happened or when it happened, all I can truly say is God kept me. He kept me from having the weight loss surgrey my own self. Going through the divorce I lost 50lbs. I am currently at a stall between 220-225lb. I am slowly getting myself back outdoors and enjoying nature again. I just recently purchased myself a purple 10 speed mountain bike that I plan to take to my parents house this weekend and re-teach myseelf how to ride a bike. ( They have a private flat area so I can gracefully wipe out with out people seeing me ) :D. My next goal weight is 185lbs, but I am keeping Jesus first and following what He is instructing me to eat and how to eat.  I would love to tell you that I have joined a gym or something along those lines, but yall, truth is, I am thr one who would end up on Youtube for doing something stupid. LOL!! I don't even know where to begin in a gym let alone use the equipment. I grew up in an era were my stupid stuff is done off of a camera.. LOL. 

Sloth-Lazyness- If I was Cinderella, what could they be possibly doing with their time right?? Well With his mother is was simple, she was always either A) always by my side unless I was in the kitchen where she could see me.  (B) Kitchen table playing on her phone or (C) In her bed because life was just way to hard and she needed a break from the kids and myself and our "havoc" The only help she would give was folding laundry. Even then, I heard all about how wrong I was doing the laundry...

Him??? Well... Since I was "not able to keep a home, there was no way that I would be able to keep a job" He decided to take up travel nursing and "make bank"  He fell in love with travel nurse pay, he fell hard and quick for that green. When he would be away for an assignment he would eat his weight and money by enjoying finer dinning and just sleeping on his days off. If you are a nurse or any kind of medical professional, you guys NEED that 1st day off to recover from all the activity and mental and critical thinking you guys do all day 12-18 hours a shift. Urgent Care is no different. But when he would be home, nothing. He would moan and groan, gripe and complain, but he would stay on his phone watching Dungeons and Dragon while still being in his mother's bed or sleeping. If he was home on a Tuesday, thursday, or Friday he would be participating in Masonic/Shriner activities. Please don't ask me about demonic activities within the lodge. All I will say is this, I have seen and heard alot of things when I was personally inside the building. That is all he would do. Instead of allowing us to pay debt off yall, he wanted more stuff. Physical stuff, then he would turn and purchase his mother extraordinary gifts and would point blank say "This is for her, don't you dare touch it" If the Holy Spirit would convict him of the gift giving, the 3 things I got came from a thrift store. It would always take me off guard since I was living life in survival mode, I treated and used those items like they were gold until they were quite literally falling apart.  

-If you are married, Jesus himself has given you a very precious gift, take care of it. Let him or her feel safe and protected so they can build with you and the 3 of you guys (3= Jesus) can build something amazing! You guys are supposed to be their safe place after Jesus. Jesus has to come first or it will fall apart. It is truth. That is why divorce rate is sooo high! People want the wedding but not the hard work that goes into it. Marriage is a team work, even when it doesn't feel good. When it doesn't feel good, pause, breathe, get with Jesus, find out what happened, BOTH OF YOU humble yourselves and apologize and talk it out and gently work it out. Anger gets no where, no where fast. 

-If you are single and in the dating world, be careful. Use Holy Spirit discernment simply because Jesus DOES have a Kingdom focused spouse for you. Satan will send counterfeits to take your eyes off of Jesus. Jesus will show you who your Kingdom spouse is supposed to be, it may not even be a person you would ever even think of. BUT Jesus knows that the person, will love you in more ways that will just blow you away. Jesus knows that person man or woman, will be able to read your heart the way that He (Jesus) can simply because they are coming from the Lord. I am personally not in the dating world because I am waiting on the man that Jesus had me drop to my knees for the first time ever for. I will know who he is because I will see Jesus in His eyes. He will also have something special to tell me that can only come from the Holy Spirit himself. Yes, I am trusting the Holy Spirit that much and if I am and the Lord honored my request. He will do it for you simply because he is not a respecter of person.  

 

"Can you See Me?"

Psalm 33:18 NLT- The Lord watches those who fear Him, Those who rely on His unfailing Love." 

 

If you have gotten to this, you are understanding the foundation of were I used to be. If this is your first time here, I encourage you to please read the First Blog. 

 

After I severed ties with my family and was people pleasing to him and his mother, at first I didn't see it but I was slowly disappearing into Cinderella's shows of slavery.

It came slowly. but that is how Satan works. Keep in mind Satan IS an old and treacherous foe. He only knows old tricks. The GOOD NEWS is he only has the power to the extent that you give him and I was no different. Like Eve, I was deceived by Satan himself. Slowly. Slowly drifting from "his wife" to "His mother's servant"

Cleaning and Organizing I was never good enough. " I should not have to be teaching you! YOU ARE THE WIFE! DO YOUR JOB!I I have done My time raising MY kids and your mother should have known HOW to properly clean! I have seen your your Mema's home! She KNOWS how to clean! There are 0 excuses!" 

I swallowed so many pride pills yall that some of those pride pills were not mine to take but to appease and please "my husband" I caved into his mother and her complaining.

It never mattered how hard the times I did have the house clean and just about completely organized, it. was. never.enough. or good enough.I can't tell you when, but over a period of time I eventually mentally, emotionally, and physically checked out of even trying to clean and organizing. A person can only handle being told they are not good enough before they start believing those lies. I did believe the lies. The trick was that it came on slow and I didn't use scripture and I wasn't IN scripture to put Satan back in his place.

His mother is a Type A OCD with Manic BiPolar disorder personality.

I am not. Nor did I grow up in that kind of environment. I am not saying that all that is bad by any means but when you use that a crutch and use it as a control tactic that, well, that is wrong. A human is not to be controlled! BOUNDARIES!!! THEY ARE HEALTHY!!  It is ok to have HEALTHY BOUNDARIES!! Unhealthy boundaries, they are real, learn what they are so you don't create them!

I moved into a total polar opposite of what I grew up in. Even as I am typing this out, I can feel that mental exhaustionvcoming back. PRAISE JESUS WHO KEPT ME WITH A SOUND AND STRONG MIND! Even on my darkest of days the moments when I couldn't see nor could I feel it. 

Anyways, after giving up and through the mental exhaustion I would look at the mess and get pissed at myself and then I would start the process all over again. His mother would be right at my side like always, "If this was MY home, I would have it sooo clean you could eat off of my floors! YOU are just going to have to let me bitch and complain about YOUR lack of care b/c that is my coping mechanism!" "Besides He NEVER had to have it this bad when I had him! I ALWAYS kept HIS room clean! I ALWAYS had hot food on the table" "He is only yelling at you b/c YOU are the one hurting this family!!! But don't worry! The only reason he would ever leave you is if you speak to your family again.

 

Now, when it came to him, he would see that I would be working on an area and he would see that I was just about completed, when he would storm in and demand that I go to a different area. He was always switching where he wanted me to be cleaning. Take for example, I would start in the master bedroom, I would almost be done but then he would storm up the stairs in his usual anger/rage and demand that I take my "happy ass" to the office are to start on HIS OFFICE!'' Or visa versa. I will never forget there was one day he had the  been drinking his moonshine and as he saw that I was cleaning and organizing he went into another rage. " I am so tired of your CRAP! I am tired of living this way! I am so sick of YOU and YOUR WAYS! I wish I could just take you by the neck and rub your nose in all of YOUR SHIT like a dog! B/C THAT is how your acting like an untrained puppy!" Shortly there in after he found a pan that had forgotten in the oven to clean and threw it across the yard. Mason being the momma's boy that he was (5yrs old at the time) was about to walk out there and retrieve the pan, but he quickly stopped him and stated "Don't you dare go out there and get that pan! Let your mother do her own walk of shame to that pan! She knows better!" Then he saw a bucket and filled it with cleaner and wiped 2 walls down, then headed to his mother's bed to sleep. 

They always loved being out and about living the "High Life" On the little bit of time that they would actually bring us along, I was in the back seat,  and I was always the 3rd wheel. He would not allow me to sit next or in front of him. It was always his mother and Paige at his front and side. They both would say that they have moved me to the children's because of my childish ways.

Going to church though was a different story. They would put the mask on and make it look like we were the "put together' family.

Yall, truly doing Life Groups, church, the little outing we would do, not only had I given up, I lost myself. I gave myself up to become his mother's shadow. I ended up not knowing who I was looking at in the mirror. I hated her. I couldn't stand who I was looking at in the mirror.. But when I was out in public, my inside were screaming "does anybody even see me?" 

I would look at different couples and see how they would interact with each other and think " Man I wish I could have that" but I don't. "I don't even deserve the one I have. I have screwed everything up so bad all he knows how to do is literally eat, sleep, and yell." 

Jesus saw me! He felt my pain. He knows that verbal abuse! He knows that mental exhaustion. He was right there with me in the 2nd layer of hell.. He knew what it is like to want somebody to notice Him and what He has done! 

He felt all this and so much more when He went to the Cross! Not only did He go to the Cross for me but he went for YOU too! 

YES YOU! the one reading this post!!! He loves you so much that you WERE ON HIS MIND and HEART! 

If you are feeling a tugging at your heart =, that is the Holy Spirit calling you!  Don't be afraid! He will not hurt you! The Holy Spirit is Jesus's Soul!  He did promise He (Jesus) and Poppa that they would NEVER LEAVE us nor Forsake us :) 

If you are feeling that pulling or tingling please allow me to lead yyou in this prayer

 

"Poppa (God), 

I am unsure of what to do, it has been a while since I have prayed or talked to you! I am so sorry! Please forgive me.

I have done, thought, said some very hurtful things to people and to people I care about the most. But I am asking of YOUR forgiveness Lord!!! Jesus please come into my heart and please become Lord over my life! I NEED a Savior and I NEED YOU! The work you did on the Cross is absolutely amazing Lord and thank you for giving up your life for me! Please come into my Heart Jesus! I am all yours! Love -ME- Amen-

 

If you said this prayer, Jesus is now Lord over your life and you need to get yourself a Holy Bible, one that you will understand and Poppa will guide you to the one He has set aside just for you.Be aware of Satanic attacks. Now that you belong to Christ Satan is mad because he lost you! and now he will/ may disrupt your life, KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON JESUS and STAY IN THE BIBLE! You WILL OVERCOME!!! TRUST THE PROCESS AND TRUST JESUS!! HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AND HE SEES YOU! Just like He did with me. 

 

Stay encouraged!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a Child in the way that he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. ESV…

 

I have always heard this scripture as an adult when it came to kids, up until being alienated away from my kids, other then Psalms 91, this is the other scripture I am currently holding on to until I see my kids again.

 

However, before I jump right in to my kids. I want to clear things up. I went back and reread what was put at 2am. This is what happens when you’re in tears and healing is taking place at the same time. It’ll be the same now. The part where I was learning how to hear the voice of God and it was like I was struck by lightning.. Let’s re-visit that. Divorce was never part of my vocabulary. EVER.  Going through Discipleship and I can’t say I was relearning who Jesus was, but I was diving deeper into Christ and wanted more of Jesus.  I was also at a point where I was also on the fence line about believing in Him as well. If God is sooooo good how can He allow 4 people to die within a short period of time? How could He take a mom away from 3 kids? What did I do so wrong that now that his sister is gone? He is already saying things like, “You and I are not having another baby! YOU wanted them! YOU got them! YOU raise them!” or “We are not having another child because YOU can’t handle them! You are always frustrated and you don’t even know how to mother properly.” Confusion was always at my side to twist everything…. and I sadly believed the lies. 

 

But God! Chased me down.. through my kids t-ball practice, by none other than the Children’s Pastor and his wife. That Pastor and his wife will never know the magnitude and gratefulness in my heart that I carry for them. 

 

During the chapter of Quiet Time through the discipleship book, He came down like lightning and I kneeled before the Lord. He told me I needed to pray for my next husband (again I don’t know who) but I thought my husband was going to die and the Lord was preparing me for the next one, because apparently he was needing prayer. For a week again, as a person who has not only HEARD the voice of the Lord, BUT praying for some other man???!!!!  What the heck man??!!! Is this even allowed??!! I mean one of the original 10 commandments is “Don’t commit adultery”, and here I am praying for another man??!! A man that has no clue who I am nor me know him. Jesus was patient and kind with me and my freak-out, BUT I couldn’t move in my prayer life. This man got all my prayers for 1 week solid. Each time, I was truly on my knees in the throne room pleading for this man. This is another reason why I will not just “hop back in the frying pan” to sorta say. I want to meet the man that I was on my knees for a week solid, praying over and for him. 

 

Paige was born 2007, Mason was born 2008, Conner was born 2009.  Not only were there deaths but there were births. 

When my Paige was born, that is when the manipulation started… right there in the delivery room. Every time my parents would hold her, either his sister, his mother, or himself would take her out of their arms and seclude her from them. They would again say small snide comments making them look like victim. But once she was in their arms, small victory snide comments were made. 

“God please make this stop!” “This is supposed to be a joyous occasion, not some Jerry Springer show.” “God, I am so tired of this.” 

Once we were home, the tension between him, his mother, and my family were so thick that you could slice it with a knife. Living in his mother’s home, my parents made the decision to try and keep peace  by not going over there. Quite frankly I was all about keeping peace. His mother on the other hand would say things like “I don’t understand why they won't come over?” “This is your home now and they are welcome.”, and then she would switch to “I don’t want them here and I just can’t deal with your parents’ attitudes and how they present themselves.” The twisting and manipulation would go on until I severed my ties with my family. 

 

It got to the point that I was driving 90 minutes every day: 45 to my parents and 45 home, and then would get ready for work, just so they could see their grandbaby. It was taking a toll on me and I just wanted to keep the peace. Any and all clothes that my parents would purchase for her would not be allowed to be worn around his mother. Any and all toys that were purchased for her were to stay at their home. (But it was supposed to be “our” home.) There was never a give or take with them. It was always about them. When Mason was born Paige was 6 months old. She was so excited. She had no clue that in a couple years that would be her little brother. They were so close. They loved each other, played with each other and they knew that they had each other, even as babies. That reminds me of when Mary conceived Jesus and went to his cousin John’s house and John the Baptist leaped in his mother’s stomach when Jesus was near him. That is how close they were. 

Ties severed,  Paige and Mason are growing, breaking milestone after milestone. In 2009 here comes Conner. Heart of Gold. His mother tried to pull the same stunts with her daughter about “She knows kids and kids just flocked to her and she knows what she is doing.”,  however her daughter stood up to her.  One would think I would take a note or two, but the little girl that was scared of her father’s anger didn’t want to poke the bear of someone else. After their mother unexpectedly passed away, y’all I made a ton of mistakes.  Who doesn’t??? But there is not a day that went by that I would not get up and give what I could give of myself to those kids. The fiery darts out of their mouths: his, his mother’s, and Anne’s while she was still living with us. Always hearing about every mistake I have ever made and continuing to make. I loved my babies. I still do this day love my babies. But every day my kids, from infant to teenager, all heard about how much I screwed everything up (in a harsher language that would make a sailor blush with shame) Every. Single. Day. As the kids grew up and started becoming older, they started hearing phrases “Don’t listen to your mother, your Nana and I rule over her!” “Don’t listen to your mother, she is only talking out of her ass and has no clue what the hell she is even saying!” Now keep in mind this next part, I have always been a semi-quiet person, but this drove me to truly not even speaking for 4 years. Then they both would say to me “You just need to keep your mouth shut! It’s a good thing you keep your mouth shut because you’ll always be wrong.” “It's a good thing you keep your mouth shut, because if you were to say anything we would just get louder and make sure you knew we were right!” And the kids listened to what their father and grandmother had spoke/yelled. None of us except for Conner had the courage to stand up to them. Even if it meant he got physically disciplined; warranted or not. He was physically disciplined. Mason and Conner wanted so bad to be accepted by him. But he would always yell, scream, or jeer  at them for the smallest things. Mason was a helper and wanted nothing more than when his “dad” was in the garage the few times he was, he would try to hand him things, just to turn around and get screamed at “You’re in my **** ***** ******* way!!! Get the **** out of here!” But he would never give up as a young boy to try and help his father out. To the point he became the go to work boy. Get me this, get me that, Do this, Do that. You know the saying “Don’t misuse your good employee because they will see the lazy ones and wonder why they can’t slack off.” Mason is the perfect example of that. He would ask me on multiple occasions “Why is it that Paige is Ms. Perfect and doesn’t have to do anything and Conner is just lazy?!?!?!” Mason loved working out. He loved lifting weights. That was what he enjoyed the most. But just like me, he was yelled at and verbally ripped apart. To the point that he stopped wanting to work out and lift weights, he turned to video games, anime, and his cell phone. That is how he shut us out and protected his heart.

He and I used to have a workout plan and would try to do it together, but we quickly gave up because we didn’t want to do his mother’s preferred Richard Simmons. We enjoyed doing a mix of a Boxer’s workout and MMA. OH man OH man when we put Mason in Ju Jit Su. He ate it up. I loved watching my kids in that. They were fierce yall. Like everything else, it was quickly given up. He slowly built walls around his heart and soul, and suicidal thoughts started inflitrating his mind. I would hold and consoul my 9yr old who would say things to me “I feel like this family would be happier if I were dead.” I was having those same thoughts around that time to. I wasn’t sure how to even consoul my child when I was thinking and feeling the same. “Mason, I love you, I need you, Jesus only made 1 of you. It would rip my heart and soul out if you were to leave me and go home to Jesus.” That was the only phrase I could musser out to him while holding back my own tears. 

“How can a 9yr old…..9YRS old have these thoughts???” “What exactly am I doing wrong here with my family that God has blessed me with?” “Why is my child dealing with these kinds of emotions?” “He should be outside playing with the dogs and a waterhose” These are the thoughts that would continue to run through my mind about and over Mason. 

 

Conner’s seeds for Christ went deep, I am so thrilled because you didn’t just see it in him, but you could hear it. His blue/geen eyes would just sparkle like the Panama City Beach. His smile would just melt all of you the moment he even cracked it. He was my Ferdinand: a bull in china shop. But he loved the outdoors. He loved hiking. I always wanted to take him hiking up Ramsey Cascade,s and everytime I would try his mother would send Paige to bring us back to the house. We never got the chance to take the hike. Like Mason, Conner was a scapegoat for their wrath and anger. But unlike Mason, the power of the Holy Spirit was in him. He wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself and for me. He wouldn’t stand up for Paige or for Mason, but he would for me. It was like Jesus gave him the sight to see what was really going on. They would truly leash out at him and then back at me. There was truly never a day that went by that the  boys and I were not yelled at, verbally ripped apart, everything like I said in the first part. 

If this is your first time here, I encourage you to scroll down and get the foundational story behind this. 

 

There was never a day that went by that I would stand in the way of the verbal darts for the boys ans I would take them myself because no child deserves to be spoken down to like that, by a “Father and/or Grandmother” When it comes to Conner, there will be a day that I will never forget and I do need Holy Spirit help with this one. Conner is becoming older and a preteen now and his body was starting “ The Change” You could smell when he was nervous or just sweating. So here we are trying to teach about personal hygiene and deodorant. One day he was having an exam for school and something else that I don’t remember off the top of my head but for a pre-teen got his nerves worked up, (they were homeschooled ) His grandmother sharply turned towards him and started in a mocking/ angry voice and proceeds to charge towards him “I can’t believe that you just want to be a loser who smells like a damn dog!! THAT is NOT how I am raising MY grandchildren! MY grandchildren LOVE being clean! Unlike his mother who doesn’t know shit” “Next thing you know you’ll be a fat pig like Brittany  my sister and smell of nasty dogs like she and her husband do!!  This woman, this grandmother was in the face pf a preteen boy who was learning proper hygiene. I was in shock when I saw the end of that communication between them along with being in shock as I was comforting him afterwards away from her down the stairs leading to the basement. He was the only one who understood that the divorce never had anything to do with him and his siblings. That is the power of Christ. 

 

Paige.. She is 15 this year. She gets her learners permit. She is the only full term child I have given birth to. She is the only one who has heard my heart beat from the inside of me. Even the moment she took her first breath the manipulation started. Watching them take her from my family, watching and hearing all the negative language. Not only was I tired from the labor and pushing and everything, I was mentally exhausted from the nastiness spewing from their mouths when this was supposed to be a joyous occasion. 

 

“Don’t worry dear, I know more about kids than you!” “I will help you” ………..”I am about to take over” Is what was really being said. You need to be doing this, Giving her that, SHE NEEDS MEDICATIONS!!! OH MY GOD Mindy!!! Give your daughter the medications she IS NEEDING….. Paige is 5 days old. Paige was not colicky, she was an amazing baby. Again, grandmother knew more than I and knew how to do and moved this new momma out of the way. I tried breast feeding. Working in the medical field I have a pretty strong immunity simply because I am exposed to all kinds of sicknesses. I really wanted to breast feed her…. However, I have been….um… let’s say ….. Blessed…. :/ in the boob department. I’ve always been bigger chested. (Thanks Poppa) If you are bigger chested like me, I know You know what I’m saying. Lol. Anyways.. Due to the stress (even though I didn’t realize I was under) and being heavier chested, my right boob started drying out and barely producing 7oz of milk for her. While the left one was only producing 10oz. As if I didn’t feel good enough to produce food for my baby like I am supposed to… “How can you just let your milk dry up like this!!?!!?!?” “We talked about this!!! How could you just let yourself pour your milk in the shower and let yourself dry up?!?!?!?!?” There are more things that were said but I think you guys are getting the picture. As Paige is growing up, as I am typing this out now the Lord is showing me that they were slowly moving her away from me and as an infant they were already starting the alienation by allowing his mother and sister to always be the one to hold her because “I was to frustrated!” Or “Oh Mindy, You look so tired here let me hold her but you still NEED to do these things and get your other chores done” “But don’t worry we have Paige”

Somewhere along the lines, Paige was the “golden” child. She could do no wrong, speak no wrong, nothing. Literally she was the “perfect” child. She was never yelled at. Never reprimanded. When I would try to correct her, I was overruled. She is beautiful. Amazingly smart and sassy. As she was getting older something started changing. Her grandmother would allow her to start showering in the same shower with her. I would question, “She is older now, I don’t think this is right” Not to be offensive, I understand about standing by in case soap gets in the eye or something but not showering together.” 

I was always met with “We are all women here. It is the same thing like being in a gym shower in a locker room” Yall, IT IS NOT NORMAL AND DON’T LET YOUR KIDS DO THIS!!!! You know when the correct time to separate showers are! As she was getting older Paige enjoyed undermining me and just running in the shower with her thinking it was funny. During this time, she also started sleeping in bed with both her father and grandmother. The nights that she would sleep in her bed, her grandmother would “I NEED you Paige!!! I want to snuggle” in a baby voice luring her into her bed. This started the same time that I was sleeping on the floor with 3 dogs and 1 cat. Sometimes my boys would sleep on the floor with me. Once Paige hit 10-12 years old she was completely sleeping in the bed with her father and grandmother. Her roo quickly became were I slept simply because I was tired of sleeping on the floor just trying to be beside “a husband”.  When I started sleeping in her room, “That is exactly where you belong! In a child’s room! That how YOU act! That is how you THINK! I can’t believe I married such a mess!! You know, there are some days I wish I could take you by the neck and rub your nose in all the messes you make like a dog and train you like a dog.” “But you are right were you need to be, in  a little girls room until you are trained”

When Paige was 13, she had a little boyfriend who was 15. I was against it because simply…. SHE IS 13. NOT 16. He is 15! I know what a 15 yr old is thinking…….. Well, grandmother got her way and allowed her to date the 15 yr old. The parents of this boy and I bonded through mutual Holy Bible watching over them along with honesty and clear communication.  I had to run to the store one day when I walked back into the house and saw that the grandmother has allowed them to watch a soft porm on the TV. 

“GET THAT CRAP OFF THE TV NOW THEY ARE WAY TO YOUNG FOR THAT!!!!!!” “It’s OK for them to watch as long as I am here with them, besides, I would rather them learn in front of me than to have them learn on their own and do things behind our backs!” 

I don’t know if I have ever been soooo mad in my life. Of all things, allowing a teen boy and a teen (young teen) girl something like that. Her father went along with what his mother said about them watching the movie. After that movie incident, all i kept hearing was  explicit sex talk and instructing her on how it happens, what happens, more explicit than the usual birds and the bees. Then she started acting out in ways that is completely unacceptable for a young lady.  

 

After 12/23/2020- (My birthday) 21 and holding a couple years ;P. The kids know that “Daddy and I are not making it” Daddy flat out told Momma “ Now that we are just about debt free, I think it is time for you and I to have a fresh start as well and Me be without YOU.” The very last thing that Paige said to me and my face is this 

“I will always choose my Nana and Daddy over YOU! Watching you is like watching a Puppy that will never be trained, humph, well, YOU, you will never be trained!!!!” 

 

12/26/2020- This is the day that the Holy Spirit Pulled me out of the 2nd layer of hell. After they found out where I was living and staying, Their father blocked me from all their social media accounts, cell phones, anything remotely connected to them, I have been blocked. I could not speak, talk, text, touch my kids. It is now over a year that I have seen their beautiful faces. Heard their voices. When their father and I had mediation 12/2022. He admitted to the mediator of the alienation and blocking me away from my kids. But on Good Friday of 2022, after a new phone number and picking upi texting them again. I got this text message from my daughter’s number.

 

“Apparently ignoring your occasional texts has not gotten the point across i hate you literally stay as far away fro me as possible and never bother me again you’re dead to me and youre not my mother theyre not my grandparents and yuo can burn in hell i dont know what makes you think youre going to heaven because clearly your not so you can take your parents that you told me absolutely horrible things about in case you forgot and your disgusting self and leave me and my family alone none of us want anything to do with you I hate you my life has been so much better without you in it and in fact thank you so much for leaving i dont want a relationship with you i never have had one with you and i never ever will stop harassing me I never want to speak with you or even think of you again youre dead to me.” 

 

I am grateful for the work that the Holy Spirit is doing. Im thankful for the Restoration with my kids… in this case it will be in His timing. I find great joy in knowing that this day will come. I would like to tell you that this text didn’t hurt. But it did. It actually took me 4 hours to actually fully read it. When I saw the first and last words of the text I went into protective mode and figured out what it said. 

 

As much hurt as I have faced, the ones who are truly hurt and manipulated are the kids. If a separation happens, yall I am so sorry. I really am, but please be an adult and don’t involve the children. They are not pawns on a chess board. They are small humans that we have been trusted and gifted with to bring up in the ways of the Lord. His word! His ways! His LOVE! His Direction! 

It has structure! It gives us as parents lives to live with our kids! Sure some parts are hard like the discipline! It says in scripture

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod HATES his son, BUT he who LOVES him is diligent to discipline (ESV)

Or Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. 

 

It is our job as parents to protect our kids, even during adults heated conversations or down right arguements. I am not saying that we need to always act peachy king in front of them, they need to see real. BUT control which part you let them see. If it is a sore subject then you both need to take a time out, cool down, get into His Word, Get into a quiet place, Let the Holy Spirit Guide you of were the miscommunication is. Humble yourselves before the Lord and when the heat has died down, gently talk it out. Ask the Holy Spirit to help guide the conversation for His glory and help you guys get through it. He will NEVER LEAVE YOU BOTH! AND He WILL make sure everyone’s heart is at peace. Including the kids. 

If I can encourage you through this part it would truly be, LEAN on Jesus. Follow Him and His instructions. I bet you are wondering “How is she even  able to be doing this without her kids? My kids are my world!!! I can’t imagine my life without my kids” Truth is, its hard. BUT GOD, The same time frame that I was being told to pray over my next husband, He was telling me I needed to “Give your kids to me! I need you to let them go to me” During that time while learning to pray on my knees, I would grab my heart and say “Lord these are my kids, (I would then reach out towards heaven) I give them to you! I don’t know if that was right, wrong, or indifferent but what I can tell you is this, it did not take away the pain. It didn’t. My kids are still a fragile part of my heart but I know that through the Holy Spirit and this blog He is doing something beautiful through this…. BUT what I can give you is this….. It was easier to “let them go” when I understood. I was able to put my focus on my schooling. Able to go to work and not worry….. Well…. Ive had many many moment of worry over my kids, Jesus gently reminded me and sent me a vision of them right in the Palm of His hands. This new life we are building is easier to put my focus on where it belongs…… on Jesus. That is my encouragement for you on this blog…. Get into a quiet place and just listen to what He wants to tell you. <3 I’m quite sure He will blow you away in such a great way. He has never left me disappointed……EVER….  

Unmasking the REAL story of Cinderella and Rapunzel

.....Proverbs 16:9 We can make our plans, BUT the Lord determines our steps..... I am a newly singled 35yr old woman who survived what I will call the 2nd layer of hell.  All the abuse you can think of, it happened. Lies, deceit, manipulation, isolation, separation from my family. These are just the tip of the ice burg of the things I have gone through but as I type and you read my story, please don't pity me because I am NOT a victim of these horrific actions BUT a Victor through Christ Jesus. It was only because of Him am I able to have the sound mind that I have now. My gentle and loving nature still in tact but with boundaries. As you read my story my sincere hope is that you find encouragement, strength, courage, and more than anything I pray that you will see Jesus and how He never left my side... If you are here and you don't know who Jesus is, I encourage you to continue to read and learn about His love and strength... As you read you will learn that I call God "Poppa", Jesus is "My Love", and Holy Spirit is "My Homie".  During my isolation period (and you will read when I was the 1 Jesus chased down) They were my only source of peace and comfort. I fell madly in love with them. I would (and still do) love to be in worship or reading my Bible. I now treasure all my Bibles (even if I don't understand the dialect ) 

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